Waiting - Part Four

Waiting. 

"the action of staying where one is or delaying action until a particular time or until something else happens."

At this time 11 years ago I was waiting.  Waiting for the best gift.  The gift of a child.  I had finished work a week earlier and I was waiting for our very first baby to arrive.  Waiting is a funny thing.  Its hard not to be anxious, its hard not to want to control things, its hard to just be.  Especially waiting for a baby.  They are not predictable.  They tend to do things in their time and their way.  This baby that we had longed for, prayed for, and hoped for.  We knew the baby would be coming but we didn't know how, what or when that looked like.  This particular baby took all of 40 hours to come into this world.  Talk about extreme waiting and anticipating.  This awaited baby was born via emergency c-section.  I didn't plan for her birth to go this way, in fact I skipped over the c-section chapter in the pregnancy planning book altogether!  I had it in my mind that this was not how my birth, my baby would be brought into this world.  

Waiting does funny things to us.  It can make us want to control situations.  To be anxious.  To doubt. But waiting can teach us good things, life giving things.  It prepares us.  It teaches us patience.  It gives us hope.  It allows curiosity.  It slows us.  The world that we live in tells us we must always have control.  Over our day, our finances, our relationships, the food we put into our body, our health, our feelings, our living situations.  These are all good things in themselves and we need to be intentional of all these things in our lives but we need to recognize that we ultimately control very little in this life.  In this broken world we live in there is sickness, job loss, strained relationships, poverty, racism, and hurt.  

Our family is reading through the book of Genesis at home during our dinner time devotions.  When you are reading through scripture with open ears and hearts the words seem to come alive and penetrate all the voids in your soul.  We've made it to the incredible story of Abraham and Sarah.  They waited their entire lives for an heir.  A child.  And in their old age, and I'm talking a hundred years old, God comes to Abram in a vision.

"But Abram said, "O Lord God, what will you give me, for I continue to be childless, and the heir of my house is Eliezer of Damascus?" And Abram said, "Behold, you have given me no offspring, and a member of my household will be my heir." And behold, the word of the Lord came to him:  "This man shall not be your heir; your very own son shall be your heir." And he brought him outside and said, "Look toward heaven, and number the stars, if you are able to number them." Then he said to him, "So shall your offspring be." And he believed the Lord, and he counted it to him as righteousness." Genesis 15: 2-6

In his many years of childlessness, Abram doubted.  Even after God reveals this to him, he still doubts God's promise.  He wants to control this waiting.  In chapter 16 both Sarai and Abram try to control their situation and Abram fathers a child through Sarai's maidservant Hagar.  And again in chapter 17 God appears to Abram again and promises that he will multiply Abram greatly.  Then in chapter 18 again its told to him that his wife Sarah will have a son.  Sarah heard this and she laughed.  Doubt. Disbelief. Control.

There's a passage of scripture that often gets given to people when they are living in a season of unknowns and experiencing trials.  A beloved verse that most every Christian can rattle off like a favourite Starbucks order.  Jeremiah 29:11, " For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  While this is a beautiful verse in itself, it leaves me feeling like something is just missing.  Its easy to pass this on to someone who may be going through things, like a here's a spot of good feelings to help you in your crappy situation.  It's kind of a hard pill to swallow in the mire and thick of hurt and disappointment.  I recently read through the entire passage and it now has a living and complete new meaning for me.  First of all, the passage was a letter written to a group of people, not just one, the exiles of Israel who were living in Babylon.  They were living in a land, not of their own, in captivity.  This letter came to them to encourage them in their waiting, to remain steadfast to their God.  To pray. To make the best of their present situations. To know His love.  His faithfulness.  And their waiting, the plans that God had for them, it would take 70 years to come about!  Talk about intense waiting.  Like a generation of waiting.  God didn't renege on His promise.  He did have a good plan for His people.  He redeemed them (and us!) ultimately through the sacrifice of His Son.

For years I waited. But not in a healthy way.  I wanted control.  I wanted things to look and be perfect.  I didn't seek God's heart.  His stillness and His love.   Going through the years of mire and muck I couldn't possibly see that this was the plans that God wanted for me, for our family. Throughout the past year, I've been continually learning what it truly means to wait.  This waiting isn't something I've wanted but its something that I've needed.  Waiting looks like stillness.  Discerning.  Listening. Being content.  Praying.  I'm learning that I control very little in this world.  The more I let go of what I feel should be right and fair the more God can work in my heart and in my life.  God is continually weaving a story of redemption in me, my marriage and in our lives.  

Even as I write this, we are still in a season of waiting, but God has laid out some good plans in His way, for us.  The things in our lives are not by our doing but only by a good God who is continually weaving the story of grace and love into our lives.  Like the Israelites in captivity whose grace story is given through redemption, returning and renewal our story continues to be told in the same theme-- redemption, returning and renewal.  

I will write more specifics and continue to share things in our way and in our time.  For now, know that God does have a plan for you because I know he has a plan for us.  Whether your season of waiting is long and filled with frustrations or brief and pain soaked, know that God is preparing you in that waiting.  

I've finished reading, "It's Not Supposed to be This Way." by Lysa Terkeurst but am going to re-read it again.  This excerpt from the final chapter brought me to tears- tears of encouragement and I wanted to share it here.

"You live in a broken world where broken things happen.  In a sin-soaked world horrible things happen.  They just do.  And you will hurt deeply because of these things.  You dear girl (boy), will also watch others hurt.  You will hear human answers that try to tie bows around the big blows of life.  These sound good in a sermon but never hold up in real life.  And that's when you will see what a gift it is that you've been entrusted with enough hurt to keep you humane.  You'll offer the only real answer available:  The Lord helped me survive and He'll help you too.  I'll hold your hand while you find your way to Him."

Know that you are not alone.  Waiting is never meant to be lonely.  Waiting is collective.   Waiting is active.  Waiting is hope.  Know that today and every day you are loved and you are valued- even in your waiting.