Celebration - Part Six

Celebration:  the action of marking one's pleasure at an important event or occasion by engaging in enjoyable, typically social, activity.

The events over a course of a year can shape you greatly as a person.  Today, the first day of summer, marks one year since Roelof admitted he was powerless over alcohol and he (and we) started on a journey that God had clearly marked out for him.  This journey has brought about pain, hurt, but more greatly than that-- joy, freedom, grace and love.

      "The One who died for us- who was raised to life for us!-Is in the presence of God at this very     moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ's love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture...None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I'm absolutely convinced that nothing-nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable- absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us." Romans 8:31 MSG

We live in a shame culture.  Shame has infiltrated our upbringings, our relationships and it has left a trail of carnage in our denominational churches.  Shame is heavy.  Shame is debilitating.  Shame is counter to empathy.

Brene Brown a trailblazer in shame culture writes, "Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging- something we've experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection. I don't believe shame is helpful or productive. In fact, I think shame is much more likely to be the source of destructive, hurtful behaviour rather than the solution or cure."

Shame has told Roelof and ultimately us, that we need to hide this aspect of our lives.  It told us this for along time.  Alcoholism isn't who we are, it isn't who Roelof is, it simply is another presence in our lives.  Alcohol needs to be personified.  Like any sin or struggle.  It does not define who we are as people.  Just like cancer doesn't define a person. Nor a pornography addiction.  Nor a love of money.  We like to label because labeling helps us make sense of things.  Labeling also isn't helpful.  It isn't relational.  Shame likes to label us.

Shame has stolen years of Roelof's life and our lives.  These past six months we have started to work through  (and continually are!) telling shame to get lost.  These are years of undoing and un-breaking.  Like slowly chipping away at a solid piece of concrete.  Some days bigger chunks break off and sometimes the chipping breaks off nothing. The work of breaking shame away is constant and it creeps back all the time.  We are learning to lean in to celebration.  Celebrating big things and little things.

What a society we would be if we celebrated in our homes, in our relationships and in our churches rather than hiding under a cloak of shame!  Shame aims to keep us silent.  Alone.  When we cannot or are allowed to not share our struggles, our fears, and even our joys we are allowing room for shame to grow.  Shame is used by people to control situations and other people.  Sadly, our denominational churches have allowed shame to govern decisions and directions.

There is a groaning in our world today.  There are massive shifts happening.  The #metoo movement, the mental health crisis, our rapidly declining denominational churches, and so many more things.  I fully believe there is a great longing for movement away from shame, from isolation and from not belonging.  Are we moving into a post shame society?  Are we starting to break the cinder block of shame culture?

We better be ready to listen.  To be present.  To lean into empathy.  To grace.  To acceptance.  Those who choose to still live by shame, to invoke shame onto others are going to be left behind.  We cannot stand for that any longer.  I will not stand for that any longer.  I have a voice.  We collectively have voices.  We need to be ready to speak for those who need help.  We need to be voicing our own stories.  Shared stories help us know we are not alone.

So today I stand up in celebration and will shout with joy and jubilation that yes my husband is a recovering alcoholic and he has made it one year without a drink!  He has over come some hard, hard things this past year.  He has faced some real shit.  I'm proud of his progress.  His leading.  His example.  He is far from perfect.  And that's the best part, he no longer has to pretend that he is.  And no one should have to made to feel that they have to.  Perfection is highly overrated.

This song Reason by Unspoken has been speaking to me lately,

This year's felt like four seasons of winter

And you'd give anything you think to feel the sun

Always reaching always climbing

Always second guessing the timing

But God has a plan a purpose in this

You are His child so don't you forget

He's the peace in the madness

That you can't explain

He's the hope in the heartbreak

The rest in the suffering

He's closer than the air you breathe

From the start to the end to the in between

Don't you dare doubt even for a minute

What He started in you

Yeah, He's gonna finish

Our God, a good God, is the author of perfection.  We are loved in his eyes.  He passes no shame. Only great love.  A love we many never fully understand.  And nothing can come between His love and us. Resting in His love, in His good plans, in His forgiveness is everything.  We are no longer bound to the chains of shame- His love has given us freedom.  Know today and every day that you are loved, you are valued, you are capable and you are important, by a good and great God.

Happy One Year Roelof.  I love you.

If you are reading this for this first time and would like to start back at the very beginning of our story, I'd encourage you to start here.  Our story is not an easy story, but we are sharing it to process our own hearts but to let others know that you are not alone.  Despite what others may say, you are loved.  We have experienced such great love and grace that we can't help but share it with others.  If you feel you need to talk know that we are always here with a listening ear.